Do you ever just feel listless? Like you are some abandoned balloon in a Chuck E. Cheese parking lot, but you don’t have enough helium to get off the ground. So, you just roll around on the ground, getting kicked up by passing cars, never really going anywhere.
I have been feeling like that a lot this past week. It’s so annoying to shake off, because it makes me feel like I am not going to enjoy anything. Like things that usually make me happy suddenly wont. I get this uncomfortable feeling in my gut and there is this voice in my head telling me to just stay home. It’s tough when your mind seems to be against you. Seems like it doesn’t want you to be happy.
I can’t focus on anything, everything I do seems to be wrong. I burn my breakfast, I drop everything I pick up, everything I write sounds off.
I hate when I feel like this, it can be so overwhelming. It can be hard to shake off. So, I find myself seeking comfort in things. Sometimes it’s a favorite movie or tv show. Sometimes it’s a bath and other times it’s just taking my dog for a walk in the local park despite my mind screaming for me not to go.
Sometimes the voice in my head wins out and I can’t stop pacing and my heart wont stop beating.
Being a person is hard, but I take comfort in the thought that despite what I am feeling or what you are feeling right now, chances are there is someone in this massive world that is feeling or has felt exactly like you. I refuse to be one of those people that promotes this picturesque view of my life, contrary to what a lot of bloggers/youtubers/instagram famous people say, happiness isn’t a choice at least not for everyone. Being optimistic is a great way to get through life and I would argue it’s probably the best way, but it isn’t necessarily realistic. I wish I could be one of those people that always sees the glass half-full, but I’m not. Life is just filled with good and bad things, and sometimes it just knocks you down. It’s okay to stay down for a little bit and collect yourself before you get back up.
So, I’m just going to go back to hugging my dog and work on bettering myself, because it’s all I or anyone can do.